The complaints of a Lover!

We intercepted an E-mail which was written by a high ranking government official and sent to a certain media operative whom he shares an ongoing relationship with despite being happily married.

We have edited it to protect the identities of the two and also out of fear that we might be subjected to a fate similar to the Livinguyana Blog.

Dear *******,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

• 54 times the sheet were too clean
• 17 times it was too late
• 49 times you were too tired
• 20 times it was too hot
• 15 times you pretended to be asleep
• 22 times you had a headache
• 17 times you were afraid of waking your kids
• 16 times you said you were too sore
• 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
• 19 times you had to get up early
• 9 times you said you weren't in the mood
• 7 times you said your tooth was aching
• 6 times you were too busy watching American Idol
• 5 times you didn't want to mess up your hair do
• 3 times you said the neighbour would hear us
• 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because;

• 6 times you just laid there
• 8 times you reminded me that there's a hole in the wall
• 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
• 7 times I had to wake you up and tell you that I was finished
• 1 time I was afraid that I had hurt you because I felt you move